Learn Hypnotism

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Confrontation

Changes in voice patterns and how things are said

Tonality: If you were to notice changes in tonality in the other persons voice it might mean that what they are talking about has an emotional value to them. When a person is feeling ashamed for their lie, they will talk slower with a darker voice, just like when feeling sad. On the other hand if they feel guilt for their lie, their voice tends to become lighter with a higher pitch while talking faster, just like when angry.

Speech patterns: If someone suddenly starts talking in strange ways, using odd words or clichés, it is usually a sign of them not knowing what to say. Unless of course that is how they usually talk.

Look for differences in prolonged or the absence of pauses between words and sentences. This is either a sign of them thinking while talking, wanting to get all the ”facts” straight, or they are just talking constantly due to nervousness, having problems with silence. This can take shape in stackato sentences. That. Appear. To. Be. Broken. Up. Between. Each. Word. Or like a one long sentence that just never ends and has a tendency for several repetitions in one sentence like when they repeat that which is said several times and just will not allow you to talk since they keep on talking and they just repeat themselves.

Mumbling and making sounds like ”Eeeehhhhhh...” in between words and sentences, trying to delay as they are thinking for better answers.

One of the most powerful ways to notice a lie is the liars tendency for repeating the exact same words over and over again when describing a situation. When you are honest or have no intentions for deceiving someone, you seldom describe an event twice with the exact same set of words. You want the recipient to understand, so you describe the event from another viewpoint. The liar repeats the exact words in order to minimize the possibility of a freudian slip or believing that if they say something new, they might be inconsistent. That’s why the cops on tv always ask the suspect several times about the same thing. To see if they repeat the exact same words or are able to illustrate a more vivid picture.

What liars say is also more often than not quite vague, leaving out many details but may compensate that with using overly formal language.

Other classic answers are ”I am not a bad person.” Using ”I am not...” instead of the more regular thing to say ”I am... .” This comes from understanding that you are under pressure and you formulate your thoughts accordingly. In normal situations you focus on what you are, rather than what you are not.

The liar takes personal distance from the question by giving general beliefs rather than specific and related answers. Abstract assurances are offered as evidence of innocence.For example if you ask a specific question like “Have you lied to me?” and the person replies with, “You know I have strong opinions about that sort of thing. I don’t like it and I find it to be amoral.”

Whenever the person starts questioning the definitions of the words, or begins to talk in high level abstractions that don’t make sense are good indicators of deceit. Examples are ”I am not a thief, I just didn’t pay for it” or ”That depends on how you would define what a lie is.” They are meaningless, empty rethorics.

Liars very seldom use words like ”I” or ”mine” thereby distancing themselves from the lie. This also leads to generalizations like ”that sort of thing never occurs around here...” trying to give false assurance instead of answering the real question.

Another very powerful thing to look out for, if you catch someone in the act so to speak, is their time frame. When you ask ”what are you doing?” a liar might answer ”I wasn’t doing anything” rather han ”nothing special.”

In general, what all this means is that they are just avoiding the subject. The underlying principle to look for is: are they diverting from their usual behavior, being incongruenct, and are doing everything in their power to stear the conversation away from the subject or are they trying to see your point and making you understand theirs. Simply put, if their speech patterns are unnatural, they are most likely compensating for something. The question is what.

Finding out the truth

If you want to test people, not being sure yet if they are lying to you or not, then you might want to utilize some stealth tactics. In general, what you are doing is insinuating and circling around the specific topic without being direct. Without going for an accusation. You are saying things on purpose to see what reactions you are receiving. Whenever you find a reaction that does not match you make a mental note about it. From there you can either keep the conversation circling around that point or continue the conversation like nothing happened. However, if they change topic, it is a strong indicator of them not wanting to go further into that subject. If so you can take a detour, coming back later to see if the reaction arises again. There are many tactics to be used here, far more than what I will go through, but I will give you an example.

To begin with, do not go direct. If you ask me, that is the last option as you reveal your thoughts. You are interested in their thinking! Talk in generalities, waiting for a response.

For instance, You suspect your girl- or boyfriend to having cheated on you.

Begin with:

”Isn’t it funny how some people just accept relationships where they lie to each other?” From there, if you get a response that you believe to be a sign of them being guilty you can continue with:

”I have a friend who had this girl who... ” then go on and describe a very similar situation (not the exact one) you’re in.

This should, if they care about you, induce a strong sense of guilt in them and you already know what to look for! Generally, you will see a lot of resistance early on, as they are trying to avoid the conversation all together. Probably as they don’t want to take an objective look at themselves. Once you force them thou, they will most probably begin to retract, eyes going down, if they hold you they’ll let go.

Confrontation

This is where you have realized that you really are being lied to by a friend or a loved one. You either have the proof, a collection of highly suspicious actions you’ve noticed, or you have been told contradicting stories.

I am one of those who actually believe in trying to give people a second chance for a right action. Even if I am angry at them at the current moment.

This algorithm is designed for confronting loved ones, or a close friends. You want to be open and honest with these people, and if for some reson they have been dishonest with you, you probably want to give them a second chance. If you are certain of being lied to, and you want to confront them, I recommend the following:

Begin by questioning yourself an extra time. Could you be wrong? Have you taken all factors into account? Are you absolutely sure that they are lying?
If you have a vague feeling that something is wrong, out of place or just plain shady, write! If you can’t put you thoughts onto paper and clear them out, then you shouldn’t confront someone. Chances are you are confusing emotions with logic.
Set the desired outcome. Know ahead of time what you would like to reach with this confrontation. Like all the self help gurus tell us, if you don’t know what you are aiming for, what are the chances you’ll get there? Set the desired outcome to remain friends. Where they have come to insight and asked for forgiveness by themselves.
If you have done a thorough analysis of the situation, have a clear mind about what it is that you don’t like, and know what you want to confront them on, then you need to prepare the situation.
Have them come to you, this is very important as you want to be able to control the situation. Make them come to your home, or your room, or whatever setting you might choose. But make sure you are setting the environment.
Have the room or place you will be in free from distractions. Turn off cell phones and ask them to do the same.
Set the rules, state them clearly. Say things like, ”When you speak, I will listen and try to understand, and when it is my turn to speak, you have to do the same thing for me.”
Do NOT be upset or emotional. You are trying to solve something here. It could be a misunderstanding. There is no need for rush actions or exaggerated emotional outbursts. You want to be level-headed as that helps you think and analyze.
Do not accuse! The idea here is to get the person to insight and asking for forgiveness by themselves. That is far more powerful than being able to shove facts down their throat and yelling ”Told you so...” and then never calling them again. Instead, ask them if they have anything to say. Use Stephen Covey’s ”understand first and then be understood.”
Keep asking questions about their view on the matter, until you have clear picture in your head how they see things. Listen without interruption. Take notes if you have to.
Repeat anything that was unclear in your own words so you haven’t just misunderstood each other.
Be prepared to revise your information as you go along.
Explain your side of the situation, how you see things and when you are done, have them comment on it.
By this time you should be closing in on the fact at hand, and you should be able narrow it down to what was going on what exactly it was that you did not like.
Always keep an eye up for further signs of lies, but hopefully, if the person you are talking to has any decency, they should of course be honest at this moment.
Do not accuse!! Even if they are cornered, even if you have logically broken down all their arguments and there is no place for them to run, do not accuse. Ask. Reformulate whatever it is you want them to internalize. Do not let your need to satisfying your ego allow you to act in a way that could hurt the relationship. If they are dishonest, they will have done that, not you.
In case they are extremely stubborn, I found one technique to be highly efficient here. Find a situation or something you did where you acted in a way that was not optimal and induce an asking for forgiveness by asking it first yourself. I did this one by accident once, and it turned out to be highly effective.

If you have followed the steps outlined here, and you have been humble, understanding, and given them room, but without any success, then you must let the situation be for now. Maybe they need a little time. Maybe they are in denial.

End the meeting there, pick up the situation at a later time and have them be able to confront you on their own.

If after you have practically proven them liars, without any success in having them admitting it, and after a week or two they don’t call you to say they’re sorry. Maybe they’re not at the level of maturity that you are and they need time alone for now.

Whoa.. that was it for this report. Short and sweet!

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